February 2nd, Chris was out of town + it snowed... I am a big baby when it comes to driving in the snow, so that typically means staying home all day, and the combination of no adult interaction + not leaving the walls of this home for 24 hours can sometimes be recipe for crazy. At about 3 o'clock I decided to stop looking at the clock, stop worrying about running out of activities + resorting to the tv, and to stop opening instagram. Lucy was still napping, Isla had just woken up + Abel asked me to come play with him... and there it was. Present. I watched him tinker + listened to his imagination + looked into his eyes + saw what I'd missed out on too many times before, being busy or halfway engaged or juggling other children.
I like to think of myself as a good mother. I make mistakes daily + have moments that i hope my kids forget about too, but I think I'm doing all right. Today made me want more than to be a good mother who loves her children, cares for them + teaches them to be loving, thoughtful + well mannered though. I want to be a present mother. My mind is busy + I'm a little all over the place + I often times feel like I'm not 100% focused anywhere, because I'm a little everywhere.
But, this time is fleeting.
Nothing gave me perspective like signing Abel up for Fall preschool last week. This window of having all of my kids home all the time, nowhere to be + the freedom to stay at home the entire day. That's a gift, and it won't last forever. If it wasn't before, time is officially on the clock. I refuse to waste it being halfway present.
Tonight at dinner, the kids just talked + talked to me. Abel would say something + then lucy would repeat it. Abel told me how good the gnocchi was + lucy made us laugh. They love me so much. As always, I asked them what their favorite part of today was, and Abel said his was playing with me. He felt it too.