happy day before halloween!

Yay! Halloween is tomorrow! I won't lie, it feels a little different this year. I think it might be because I have a little something more that I'm excited about this year (ummm my protruding belly aka our sweet baby boy), but who knows. I am still in the spirit though & made that known this past weekend with a pumpkin carving and gourmet s'mores get together with the family over at Ashton & Grant’s! Husband and i's pumpkin this year was soooooo bad! Hence it not being photographed, but we had a very fun night and I ate enough s'mores for me AND baby!
What did YOU Do?

hello monday.

Last week my siblings, husband and i made an unplanned trip to arizona. Something I haven't talked about on this blog is cancer. Not just cancer as a whole, but specifically the cancer that has found its temporary home on my dads lung. Six years ago, my dad was diagnosed with throat cancer & after fighting like a champ, 6 months later, found himself cancer free! He has been clear of it for such a long time, but when a nagging cough & trouble breathing lasted longer than your average cold, he went in to get checked out and that is when they found this new cancer. In the exact place they said it would set up shop, should it ever return. 
There are not many things I hate. Hate is such a strong word. Even hearing myself say it sounds harsh... But I hate cancer. I hate seeing my loved ones in pain or struggle. I hate that MY dad's life is the one at stake. It just doesn't seem fair.
So, a month ago, my parents went down to Scottsdale Arizona to a treatment facility where my dad could receive naturopathic healing & a very specific chemo that we are praying will heal him, without all of the awful side effects regular chemo has on the human body.
My sisters,  husband and i have been here in colorado holding down the fort, taking care of my younger brothers, the shop & all of the pets. After a long 3 weeks, and a lot of missing each other, my parents were finally coming home for a quick, weekend visit! Things however, took a sudden turn when my dad broke out in a fever & chills before boarding their flight. Thankfully, they rushed to the ER, and doctors started working on him. He had gotten pneumonia, fluid in his lungs & a staph infection in his blood, and he went from totally normal to super scary, my mom flying us all down in case, fast. Praise God for healing him after a week long stay & for him being able to get back into his regular treatments again! The plan as of now is for them to be down there for 3-5 more weeks of treatment, and then hopefully coming home cancer free, just in time for the holidays. What a wonderful celebration that will be. We are so hopeful & have all of our faith in God. Only He can work miracles, and i pray daily that my dad is due for one! I would appreciate YOUR prayers too! 
Here’s our quick trip through iPhone photos. Thankfully, by the time we got down there, my dad was stable & we were able to spend a lot of time sitting with him & being with my mom. The update today is that, he looks & is feeling GREAT, and to look at him you’d never know he has such a hard last week or that he isn’t 100% healthy :) Thank you Jesus!
photo 1photo 2
photo 3photo 1 (2)
photo 3 (2)photo 4 (2)
photo 4photo 5
photo 2 (2)IMG_3374 (2)

I'm alive!

It has been a sort of wacked out weekend/week! Complete with a last minute trip to a place I've never been & now snow! I've missed my little blog more than I normally do! I couldn't miss celebrating the first snow today and wanted to drop in & say HI! I'M ALIVE! and will be back to regularly scheduled blogging soon, or more like tomorrow!
Happy snow day! Or just Thursday to those of you who aren't basking in the glory!

just some real talk.


how can it be friday again? 
the days/weeks are just flying by! gah! slow down.
honest truth you guys.
the closer i get to february & the more baby boy grows, i can’t help but feel a little nervous about the idea that at some point, he has to come out of me.

i am NOT going to be all gross right now or talk about the details of delivering a baby, because quite honestly i don’t know them all & i also think that is just eww to talk about… but for real. the bigger my belly gets, the more this whole thing becomes REAL & my anxiety starts to kick in a little.
from the first time husband and i even THOUGHT about having babies, i had decided that i wanted to go into the labor/delivery process blindly. i didn’t want to hear anyone’s “birth story”, their nightmare of labor even though it is “so worth it in the end”, the pain, the details, the good, the bad, what to expect… nothin’.

i didn’t want to know.
… i still stand by that.

because here’s the thing. educated in all the ways of child birthing or not, i’m going to do it either way. after alllll this time of women having babies, no one has figured out a magically, pleasant & painless way to do it (although i hear the epidural seriously helps). so why in the world would i freak myself out & get myself worked up over something that is going to happen whether i like it or not. nothing anyone told me would have kept me from doing it, but it sure as heck would create some meeeeean anxiety. which, as mentioned… i’m already having all on my own, without knowing all the gory details.

so as planned, i’m going in blind. hey! maybe my hero will come up with a new, painless & fun way to have a baby before my time comes… maybe? ha.
but in case they don’t, i will try to focus on this:

“Anxiety is a result of envisioning the future without Me. So the best defense against worry is staying in communication with Me. When you turn your thoughts towards Me, you can think more positively. Remember to listen, as well as speak, making your thoughts a dialogue with Me.
If you must consider upcoming events, follow these rules: 1) Do not linger in the future, because anxieties sprout up like mushrooms when you wander there. 2) Remember the promise of My continual Presence; include Me in any imagery that comes to mind. This mental discipline does not come easily, because you are accustomed to being god of your fantasies. However, the reality of My Presence with you, now & forevermore, outshines any fantasy you could ever imagine.”
-- Jesus Calling

i am a worrier. i wish that i wasn’t, but it’s part of me. this devotional speaks directly to me. because it is true, worry/stress/anxiety = not fully trusting God. trusting that He has got this, He’s got YOU.

i want to FULLY trust God, in every way & in every area of my life. delivering & having our little baby boy, (which let me just go ahead and say, i am excited about WAY more things than i am worried about or scared of) is a perfect test for me, designed perfectly by God. women HAVE to give birth to their littles. there is no way around it, no going back. trusting that God will give me the strength to do what my body was designed by Him to do is a must. so every day i am choosing to give that worry over to Him little by little. He’s got this.

i can’t wait to meet our boy. our SON! i’m 24 weeks today, HOW CAN I BE 24 WEEKS ALREADY?!?! for the non-pregnant peeps out there that is about 5 & 1/2 months! baby’s home is the size of a soccer ball & he is as long as an eggplant, say whaaaa?! he weighs over a pound and a half & makes me smile EVERYDAY, throughout the day with all his little kicks & flips. i really am cherishing this time of having him all to myself. soon enough he will be here & everyone will be loving him & holding him & i am going to LOVE every second of that! but for now, it’s just me & him. no one else can experience this time with him, and i think that’s pretty cool.

so here’s to a worry free friday! full of my little ponies & rainbows, perfect baby boys, crisp fall air & looking forward to a night spent with ones you love! enjoy it :)

a love letter.

dear fall, 
your arrival has made my heart leap with joy & my grin stretch from ear to ear.
i have loved you from the beginning & will love you to the end.
with you, comes pumpkin, scarves, cozy fires & warm blankets. colors, cuddling, cold air & at the same time... the warmest feeling from head to toe. all my favorite things & feelings. not to mention, your best friend winter follows closely behind you, making your departure so much easier on my heart.
you're the best fall. already loving what you've brought this year, can't wait to soak up the remainder of your time! happy tuesday.
love, hillary