the weight of the world

the weight of the world.

i live as if i believe it's mine for the taking.
i wish that i didn't... but i can't help myself not to feel so deeply. i avoid the news at all costs and i honestly brace myself anytime someone asks me if i've heard about what happened to _____. i don't want to seem selfish or insensitive, but my heart can't hold it. a heart like mine is a wonderful blessing on any given day, but to say that it isn't burdening at times would be lying. feeling the hurts of the world i live in, for both people i know and don't know, weighs on me like all of the pain is my own sometimes.

my life has always had depth, but up until my dad died, it was pretty breezy. i mean, the worst thing that i had experienced was "the dark time" and i'm fairly certain that everyone has experienced a break up at least once in their life, not to mention, we ended up together in the end...
honestly, i can't recall any of my most important prayers not being answered in the way i had hoped, aside from my dad.
i pleaded with God over that one... begged him to show us a miracle through my Dad... maybe I needed to be more specific? or maybe we have yet to see the miracle, it looks different than we envisioned, but it's coming? i don't know. i just know that the world doesn't make sense to me, which i suppose is just more proof that we don't belong here... it's just a temporary home. 

life feels heartbreaking. heartbreaking in the best way, like your kids saying dinner prayer all by themselves + you bursting into tears across from them because you're so dang proud of them + of yourself for raising them up the best you know how... and it's heartbreaking in the obvious ways. death, hurting hearts, broken relationships, hate, natural disasters and the tragedy that accompanies them... i could cry and cry over this stuff, or never leave my house out of fear if i allowed myself to really linger on it.

sometimes it makes me feel helpless, or feel mad at God, and other times i cling to Him tighter. my sweet + lovely friend Jess, did a video message shortly after my Dad passed + shared scripture that has been comforting for me in times of my own sorrows, or the weight from the sorrows of others (you can watch it here). the story she uses, the thought of Jesus weeping alongside us, comforts me somehow, and i'm thankful for the reminder on days like today when my heart can't hold the pain of another... that He is there with them, he is here with me... with us always, our biggest comforter.

It's Here! It's Here!

Happy first day of FALL!! Per usual, I was mostly ready as soon as July 4th happened. I'm a sweater + so naturally July + August + really most of September aren't my glory days. We've had a wonderful Summer, filled with so much fun, but now it's here... 
Fall, the sweet spot. We're ready for you!
A few things we look forward to in the Fall are as follows...

The weather. Duh. 
We have mostly been melting since July, but the past two weeks have been windows open at night + chilly mornings. We've even turned on the fireplace a few times with coffee.

Fall TV line up. 
Guyssss, it's that time of year, where scripted TV drama is at it's very best. This is Us starts up again next week + I really haven't been so excited for a new season of a show since Parenthood. This, plus Will & Grace is returning. Need I say more?

The leaves. 
I love it when my city is my favorite color! Abel has already found a few yellow leaves just for me, and lucy excitedly found her first red leaf + had to show me too! I've shaped them well ;)

The Pumpkin. 
Pumpkins are like the color yellow. You can't look at them + not be happy, and in my case take a picture. Pumpkin patches, Jack O Lanterns, also see: chocolate chip pumpkin bread. 

Hocus Pocus. 

Visits from family. My cousin (and her babe) + my aunt are coming in just one week for their annual visit and I can't wait. Porch mornings + coffee, and keeping my cousin up way too late talking her ear off... Followed by my Mimi + Poppi and another cousin (also with babe) coming to visit!! Really. I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. 

The clothes. 
Am i the only person who gets sooo bored of wearing the same things after a while? I basically have 5 good uniforms that I wear all summer, and never found a good pair of sandals this year, so I'm hands raised for layering + boots. 

The festivities.
Pumpkin patches, the Sunflower Farm, Apple Picking, Pumpkin Carving, Eating, Smores + Patio Lights, Nights with Friends. Soooo good.

We talk Halloween costumes mostly year round over here, but it's been a heavy topic of conversation these past few weeks. I'm hoping to have a group theme, but my chances are mostly slim because we let the kids choose what they want to be + it changes every day. So, I will put off buying as long as I can, and see where we land!

Happy Fall!! XOXO

The State Fair!

We went to the State Fair at the start of the month + had all sorts of fun. The kids rode their first "rollercoaster", their friends won them fair goldfish that died later that evening, lucy's dreams were alive because her sweet friend carried her around the whole fair like she was the baby haha, and I rode the carousel with my kiddos which was sort of a bucket list moment for me! Fairs are fun + with that done + dusted, we are ready for Fall on FRIDAY!!!
^^^i love how abel is casually waiting in line for his corn dog here :) so big!
^^^sweet little friends
^^^you guys... carousels. 

A Recipe For Our Happy Lately!

Fall around the corner
Homemade marshmallow popcorn
New friends + old
Windows open at night!
Daily talks of our halloween costumes
Family coming to visit
Yellow leaves popping up
Lucy's ballet class
Isla's morning bed head
Iced coffee with cinnamon
Too many pictures for frames
Abel loving school
^^^watching the rain
Find me on Instagram! Most of these photos are posted there more regularly :)