shoulder to shoulder, heart to heart... I love you chris.

over the weekend chris + i went to vegas. this was the first time we had ever gone away together, just the two of us, since before abel was born! 
prior to going (like, for a couple months) i did my typical panic about leaving the kids, because who in the world would love + care for them the way I would + would any of us survive not stuck together like the glue we've been these past three years?!... despite all of the over thinking, I knew how important it was to me, and how much I truly, truly wanted to go. chris' sister offered to stay with our kiddos before we had even asked her to + that is of course the person you want to be caring for them. she loved them well + they had such a blast with her, and for that we are forever thankful!! 
we held hands + watched the sunrise + went to shows + ate too much food. I showered every day (most days twice,) got a massage, slept through the night-ish, and had such a great time being a WIFE. 
I've preached a lot more than I've practiced when it comes to being a wife first + a mom second. sometimes being just a person feels so far away to me even. it's easy to get swept up in the chaos of life + in the sweet hearts of your children... but before this third little bug joins us, and really in the days when we were first discussing the hopes of getting pregnant with her, I knew in my heart that it was time to re-arrange + work to prioritize alone time for chris and i. we don't have a regular date night + he travels more often than we'd like, but with a little extra effort, some early morning coffee dates or late night jimmy fallon episodes, we have made small strides to get there...
this trip was a push for me. I love chris so much. he's everything. he's truly the best man I know, and I'm not biased just because I'm his wife. people who know him and watch his life and notice his morals and see how he loves his family, know that he is wonderful. he's handsome + funny + smart, and I know what I have. I'm thankful for him + that he chooses ME. so, here's to more quality husband + wife time, whether it be on vacation, on our porch, driving in the car, or in the kitchen... we deserve it.

30 weeks, feelings + a reminder to myself

i will be 30 weeks into my third pregnancy this week... HOW IN THE WORLD. i am starting to be so curious as to what this little one will be like + look like. baby kicks neeeevvveerrrrr ever get old + i love them just as much this time around as i did my first + second. i adore her sweet name + am bursting at the seams to tell the world, but also love keeping it private for just our family... we decided it before we even knew she was a she + haven't shopped around even once. i am beginning to get the same anxiety i had before lucy came, not as intense + definitely not as often or focused on, but beginning to over think what life will be like + beginning to mourn our current season a little...

the sweetest window of time coming to an end, forever sealed in our memory, and speeding towards a new window of unknown territory. feelings on that HEREHERE.

though i've read + been told it's a serious doozy, i'm not really feeling very nervous about being outnumbered or overwhelmed... i feel that way most days now haha, but it's the never wanting anyone to have to wait or feel like less than, the wanting to be everything for every single one of them all the time, that i know is an impossible task. when i think + think + overthink some more, i know that these are good lessons for kids to learn... sometimes we do have to wait in life, often times actually. it's good for them to know patience, and that others have needs that sometimes take priority over theirs, or even better- how to help in those type of situations. i believe my kids know how much i love them, and so i just pray that i can continue to show them in every way possible + that we enter into this new chapter with arms wide open, too many hugs + that i don't try and do it all, all the time...  hillary, don't try to do it all- all the time. don't compare yourself to others. learn when to let go of things + when to rest. soak in the tender moments + forgive yourself easily. you are not perfect, but you're doing a good job.

our time having only abel was sweet like none other + i truly didn't believe there was better out there, and then we had lucy. our hearts burst for her instantly + life felt right with her in it. together they are the dream team + daily, even amidst the chaos, i feel like i have the very best life ever. God knows the days ahead + i believe it will be good. come on july (or june if we are lucky ;)) we are ready for another sweet baby to love, for newborn smell + tiny clothes + wrinkly feet + bursting hearts.

things to remember, again.

i hope i never ever forget...

the time abel came running into my room exclaiming, "mom! mom! hiwawee!!" and grabbing my hand to pull me into the other room... to where i'd find lucy naked at the piano with a pile of poo right beside her, and he says, "she pooped! right there on the bench!".... a reminder that i allowed the naked run around between diaper changes to last one minute too long.

the time harvey stunk up the kids room + i told him to leave, and abel picks up his red guitar, follows him to the hall + begins singing, "harvey, please don't fart in our facessss, please don't fart in my faaace."

every little thing lucy says ever.

my kids obsesssssssionnnn with band-aids

my text conversation with chris on giving up sugar, or not giving it up ;)

the time i changed lucy's diaper, then just sent her on her way in her bloomers, then asked why there was a random diaper on the couch... "must have just grabbed an extra by mistake"... then realized what i had done, wow.

the time abel asked to have an apple with honey like his uncle josh, but to top it with sprinkles :)

lucy singing chris happy birthday

how excited the kids are to do "their jobs" which is letting the dogs out when we get home, abel opens the kennel, lucy opens the dog door... dream team.

the time arrow was petting harlow's belly + noticed her nipples and exclaimed, "look at all those teeters!!" -- crying laughing now just re-thinking about it!

picking flowers (dandelions) + putting them in a cup, every single day

when abel tells lucy not to cry, he is going to protect her (whenever talk of being babysat comes up)

abel putting the kibosh on the easter bunny. "no! himma bite me! himma stay at him easter bunny house!" (he later came around to the idea... still pretty undecided on santa)

the smell of chris' cologne in the bathroom long after he's left for work

hearing their conversations + watching them play together


aaaand a little update on my sweet kiddos with more things I hope to never forget!


A  B  E  L

abel talks alllllll the time now. like every minute of every car ride, and most of the other minutes throughout the day. this can obviously be exhausting, because it's often a lot of questions, and often times my answers don't suffice for him, leading to repeated questions, but it is mostly so good to me and i try to take the teaching moments and make the most of them, and hear where his little heart and thoughts are at. it also makes me think just MAYBE it could bring an end to our passy days (praying that one up hard). it's CRAZY to hear how his brain is working + always full + jumbled + moving fast... i let chris know that this is how the inside of my head sounds + he suddenly understood me so much more. 

whenever we finish something or leave from somewhere, he always tells me had fun doing said thing or place.

he told me he was going to grow up soon today... i wanted to cry + told him nope not happening, and so he started smiling and flexing his arms muscles at me like it was happening right there before my eyes, and then we laughed about it.

a few of my favorite things abel regularly says right now are:

"look at my face." -- (if you ain't lookin', you ain't listenin')

"really super"-- he will tell me that the baby is going to be really super tiny, or he will tell me he wants to snuggle really super tight & then wrap both of his arms around my neck REALLY SUPER TIGHT, nothing better. 


he is big on letting us know things we shouldn't say, he usually tells us in a whisper. some times he's confused... like the time I said something was "so sick" + was reprimanded for it, most of the time he's right... "mom, don't say dang it"... and I never noticed how often I said things were stupid (so embarrassing). we mostly just try to play it safe now and stick to "aww coconuts!" (from jake) -- if our kids aren't little mirrors right?!

speaking of the whisper, it's the cutest + funniest thing ever. soooo much is meant to be whispered these days + he typically speaks slowly, and lays his hand on his cheek when he does it, obviously thinking he's doing the hand beside the mouth/whispering gesture.

EVERY time i wear a dress, which is most days now since the whole being done with pants thing I mentioned in one of my recent posts, he tells me, "mommy i love your pretty dress" + then i love him more than i thought i could, because how sweet + thoughtful + observant, and also what mom or pregnant woman doesn't need to hear that on the regular?!

he loves pumpkin seeds, smoothies, his hair flat, his paw patrol shirt (that's a serious choosing my battles moment when he asks to continuously wear it + i agree to him wearing it under something new... i think our max has only got to be like 5 days so we're good). he would eat cookies all day every day, knows my starbucks order, likes kiwi because of the crunchy seeds, says "absolutely!" in the cutest + most enthusiastic way possible, and farts around at bedtime + nap time like it's his most important job in life.

L  U  C  Y
lucy says any + everything, such a difference from abel at this age. there is literally nothing she won't say, we laugh and look at each other regularly throughout the day because it's so crazy to hear so much from such a tiny little person. I'm thankful that she has abel ahead of her, because he's literally the sweetest child I've ever known + says wonderful things that I love to hear her repeat, like:

"me face" -- same rules apply to looking at her face when she wants to tell you something. she also uses this incorrectly, like in the car when I'm driving + she will ask me to look at her and I do and she follows it up with... nothing. 

she calls abel "abes" + like her brother, only requests "the water song" every minute of every car ride ever -- heart be still.

"jesus love me tooooooo!"

she currently has the most hysterical face going right now, where she puckers her lips and tilts her head down, looking up at you from underneath those thick, dark lashes... it's her deciding face + her sass face + it's the best ever. 

whenever she's hungry, she says "me, someping" + lately she gets the silliest hand/point thing going, and will point to everything around us, telling us what it is, while pointing + doing little knee dips. she is SUCH A HAM and knows it. i really don't know where she gets it, but it keeps us laughing always.

this morning before getting out of bed, she touched my hair + told me "hair flat, i like it!" -- NOT a bad way to wake up. 

she is obsessed with abel, and will randomly wake + ask in the middle of the night where he is + what he's doing. since we are currently in a phase of everyyyyyy one ending up in our bed during the night (your vision of me + chris on opposite islands + my growing belly hovering off the edge of the bed is correct here), he's typically right next to her + so i'm able to show her + then she just rolls over and goes back to sleep. so sweet that she loves + cares about him so much. 

i woke up at 4:30 monday to say goodbye to chris as he left for a work trip, and instead of going back to sleep to you know, prepare myself for a half week of single parenting, i decided to stay up googling the transition to three kids + work on this post here... while i lay there, lucy rolled into my side + i stopped and listened to her breathing... what a gift. 

lucy loves fruit + veggies, chocolate chips, abel, doing everything herself... EVERYTHING + ALWAYS, snuggling up next to my belly to go to sleep, flowers in her hair, her daddy, the on the farm book, me, + wants a paw patrol shirt like abel.

as i finish this post, it's the end of what was a very hard day. i failed too many times + wish i would have done better as a mom. even at the end of days like today though, those two kids are everything. they drive me insane + i love them intensely all in the same 3 minutes. i know that one day i will miss even the hard days, i will miss their sweet breath next to me at 4am, and i will miss the chaos that is life right now. so i'm letting go of today, because tomorrow is new + with it comes more grace.

i hope i never forget these things. (more things HERE)

a home tour part TWO || kitchen + master

letting the home tour commence! part one HERE
below is our kitchen + master bedroom!
our kitchen is MOSTLY done... you can see the differences from THIS POST.
the wall in the first photo still needs shiplapping + of course our paper towels weren't stocked in the crates the day i took this photo, so the perfectionist inside me cringes at the lack of symmetry there(embarrassed monkey emoji). NONETHELESS! white! i have wanted a white kitchen since before pinterest (huzzah!), we finally found the perfect pantry cabinet + bought red paint for our back door a few weeks ago too... we'd like to eventually do a full kitchen remodel, but for now we are going to start with opening the wall to the right of the oven (not shown - you can sort of see it in part one) half way into the dining room + have loved the difference of the lighter space.
^^^that wall organizer there has made the biggest difference in our life ha! no more clutter piles of mail on the counter... the simple things are often times the best things.
^^^that scroll iron piece propped there is a pot rack we were given that we love + will hang at some point... and front + center you see my apron collection that i love- they bring both happy color + functionality, and thats always a big win for me!
^^^fun details, and our coffee corner, where we exposed the brick ourselves + have no clue why anyone in the world would have ever ever ever covered it up, because duh, exposed brick is sweet.


O U R   M A S T E R
^^^yes that is blue painters tape there on the french doors, and yes this is the dreamiest room in our house, and double yes to us no longer having to turn sideways and scootch out of bed in the mornings (okay exaggerating slightly...) we loved our sweet LITTLE bedroom, but it has been very nice to have more room to spread out + our own bathroom + closet! we especially love all of the windows + light, and the french doors out onto the deck with the view of the lake is a super nice touch :) 
^^^different side tables on the list of to dos here, but how pretty is that pallet?! it seriously is my favorite.


C O R N E R   O F F I C E
this is a happy little space that fits perfectly in the corner of our room! we aren't sure how long it will stay here, but for now it's welcomed.

while you were out...

...lucy went + grew up.
insert all the hysterical crying emojis here now, because i can't believe she would do this to me.
no, but really... how big and beautiful is she?!?
the other day i was chatting with my sister about our new baby coming + how it feels like i'm starting  over again more than it did when lucy came. the age difference will be close to the same, and it's not like we are out of diapers or anything, but both of my kids are just so self sufficient, the thought of a newborn + then baby just seems so far away right now. i kept saying how weird it was, when taylor reminded me how long lucy has been doing certain things, and that because of that, she seems and has always seemed so much older than her age, so her baby days feel further away. we sat there watching little emerson scootch around on the floor at the very same age that lucy had started walking and getting black eyes at... and i let her words sink in. SO true.
lucy is a firecracker, she always has been. she has done everything at lightning speed both physically + mentally, and i both love it and it's got me going gray all in the same breath. abel is her very very best friend in the world + she mostly wants to be all that he is... he has a hat, she has a hat - this applies to most everything in our day. there really is nothing she doesn't say at this point - "i wub you toooo" and "me tome?!" being at the tippety top of my favorites, she leaps off of the couch or coffee table like it ain't no thang (thanks abel), still my very best eater - always choosing fruit or veggies over all starches, has to do EVERYTHING on her own, mostly always has bed head, loooooves to sit in laps, swing, dance, read books + sing "jee-sus love me tooooo!" 
she is everything and more, all of my prayers for her before she was born have been brought to fruition + i couldn't love her more, but if there was a way, i would find it. i could never ask for more in a daughter + am SO thankful that God chose ME to be her mom, ME guys!! she is going to be the very sweetest big sister, and i'm so excited to meet this new little one, and experience + celebrate all of their similarities + differences.
i love you luna girl, my sweet lemon - forever + always.
^^^aside from parkour with her brother, this is her very favorite thing lately. harlow is ever so patient + earning brownie points with me each time... she can stay.

perfection, on burning the candles...

a while ago, i read this wonderful post HERE by one of my very favorite authors + loved it so much that i immediately began applying it, and quickly needed more candles :) it's such good advice, and easy to apply to lots of things in life... some other things not. i am such a perfectionist, and never like to share things or big news until it's JUST right... well here's the thing about house buying + building... there is always something you could find to change or work on + the creative process just continues to grow as you live there. i posted a year ago some before photos HERE of our little house on the corner, and promised updates + photos along the way, and in the meantime the whole process got drawn out + muddied because of a terrible contractor situation. 4 months turned into a year + we ended up finishing our home on our own (with help from family + friends)! chris learned lots of new skills that i was thoroughly impressed by + it has been a journey to say the least. so here we are a year later... we still don't have painted doors + baseboards, or a knob on our bedroom or bathroom door, and lots of little things like that, that have kept me from sharing what has been such a huge blessing in our life because it isn't quite "pinterest perfect"...
so, this is a new way that i am choosing to burn the candles + say perfection be darned! we LOVE our space + have enjoyed the heck out of it so far, and at a certain point, you just get sick of working on your house on the weekends + just want to sit on the deck with your family + watch your kids chase bubbles... and so we've done a lot more of that lately + i'm okay with it! the list of stuff will get done at some point, and in the meantime we are making memories. 
so without further ado... our new great room! 
this space has the best feel. from day one, the vibes have just been soooo good. it's SO much more space than we had previously, and now that it's not neighboring our kids rooms, we can watch tv at night with the volume higher than a 6... LIVING. LARGE. i tell ya.
we feel like we can entertain better here + we added the fireplace which is always a nice touch. the windows are my all time favorite detail because it lets SO much natural light into the room + looks out to our lake, where we watch and swoon over countless sunsets. 
building onto our already loved so much house was seriously a goldmine of an idea, and i am forever thankful and never want to move. i've already snapped pictures of our less than perfect master bedroom and kitchen too + will post them here soon! new dining space is after that, and i'll wrap up with kid room make overs + outdoor! huzzah!

^^^forever sucker for a gallery wall. i want to hang a wreath on the salvage wood piece + fill that vintage liquor bottle with pennies!
^^^these restoration hardware, craigslist bar stools were a dream come true find, they have my heart eyes... + i swooned over the pottery barn pendants until they went on sale for the same price as home depot lights, score! + yellow tulips... duh.
^^^we LOVE how this bar brought the kitchen and living areas together to create an open floorplan feel of togetherness, without losing the character of our old house! also, chris and grant built it together + that makes it even more special.
^^^the "joy box" is my favorite item in the living room, as it's filled with our chatbooks! me and the kids thumb through them all the time, and i get all reminiscent over how little they were then and how big they are now, and it's really just the best thing.

a recipe for our happy lately

1. a never ending helping of chris being home + not traveling, AMEN AMEN AMEN.

2. EVERYTHING lucy says... i truly wish i could bottle up her little voice (+ really the rest of her too) and keep it forever so I never forget it EVER EVER

3. hourrrrsss spent out on the deck

4. planning our first ever trip without the kiddos (since kiddos) before our next little love arrives

5. sisters, ALWAYS. good morning texts EVERY SINGLE DAY, and typically seeing them most days too. there are few things that beat the bond between sisters + i am SO SO thankful for them, and that we are giving lucy a sister!! huzzah! 

6. lucy overcoming some seriously tiring sleep habits + championing all the way home!

7. our kids met us in the kitchen this morning, having gotten down + walked there holding hands.... DEAD.

8. loving our new church series + our small group nights

9. smoothie bowls all the live long day

10. flowy dresses for life, especially my pregnant life. i told chris the other day that i'm so done with pants, and he laughed... i guess he's never been pregnant.

11. baby kicks giving me alllll the good feels. i love this little sweetie + am starting to wonder what she will look like! lucy? abel? ME?! or maybe another chris clone... SO thankful i married a man who looks like that, i'd be happy if they ALLL looked like him!

12. abel love, i've said it before, but i truly truly don't think it gets sweeter than him.