4.19.2016

30 weeks, feelings + a reminder to myself


i will be 30 weeks into my third pregnancy this week... HOW IN THE WORLD. i am starting to be so curious as to what this little one will be like + look like. baby kicks neeeevvveerrrrr ever get old + i love them just as much this time around as i did my first + second. i adore her sweet name + am bursting at the seams to tell the world, but also love keeping it private for just our family... we decided it before we even knew she was a she + haven't shopped around even once. i am beginning to get the same anxiety i had before lucy came, not as intense + definitely not as often or focused on, but beginning to over think what life will be like + beginning to mourn our current season a little...

the sweetest window of time coming to an end, forever sealed in our memory, and speeding towards a new window of unknown territory. feelings on that HEREHERE.

though i've read + been told it's a serious doozy, i'm not really feeling very nervous about being outnumbered or overwhelmed... i feel that way most days now haha, but it's the never wanting anyone to have to wait or feel like less than, the wanting to be everything for every single one of them all the time, that i know is an impossible task. when i think + think + overthink some more, i know that these are good lessons for kids to learn... sometimes we do have to wait in life, often times actually. it's good for them to know patience, and that others have needs that sometimes take priority over theirs, or even better- how to help in those type of situations. i believe my kids know how much i love them, and so i just pray that i can continue to show them in every way possible + that we enter into this new chapter with arms wide open, too many hugs + that i don't try and do it all, all the time...  hillary, don't try to do it all- all the time. don't compare yourself to others. learn when to let go of things + when to rest. soak in the tender moments + forgive yourself easily. you are not perfect, but you're doing a good job.

our time having only abel was sweet like none other + i truly didn't believe there was better out there, and then we had lucy. our hearts burst for her instantly + life felt right with her in it. together they are the dream team + daily, even amidst the chaos, i feel like i have the very best life ever. God knows the days ahead + i believe it will be good. come on july (or june if we are lucky ;)) we are ready for another sweet baby to love, for newborn smell + tiny clothes + wrinkly feet + bursting hearts.

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