just some real talk.


how can it be friday again? 
the days/weeks are just flying by! gah! slow down.
honest truth you guys.
the closer i get to february & the more baby boy grows, i can’t help but feel a little nervous about the idea that at some point, he has to come out of me.

i am NOT going to be all gross right now or talk about the details of delivering a baby, because quite honestly i don’t know them all & i also think that is just eww to talk about… but for real. the bigger my belly gets, the more this whole thing becomes REAL & my anxiety starts to kick in a little.
from the first time husband and i even THOUGHT about having babies, i had decided that i wanted to go into the labor/delivery process blindly. i didn’t want to hear anyone’s “birth story”, their nightmare of labor even though it is “so worth it in the end”, the pain, the details, the good, the bad, what to expect… nothin’.

i didn’t want to know.
… i still stand by that.

because here’s the thing. educated in all the ways of child birthing or not, i’m going to do it either way. after alllll this time of women having babies, no one has figured out a magically, pleasant & painless way to do it (although i hear the epidural seriously helps). so why in the world would i freak myself out & get myself worked up over something that is going to happen whether i like it or not. nothing anyone told me would have kept me from doing it, but it sure as heck would create some meeeeean anxiety. which, as mentioned… i’m already having all on my own, without knowing all the gory details.

so as planned, i’m going in blind. hey! maybe my hero will come up with a new, painless & fun way to have a baby before my time comes… maybe? ha.
but in case they don’t, i will try to focus on this:

“Anxiety is a result of envisioning the future without Me. So the best defense against worry is staying in communication with Me. When you turn your thoughts towards Me, you can think more positively. Remember to listen, as well as speak, making your thoughts a dialogue with Me.
If you must consider upcoming events, follow these rules: 1) Do not linger in the future, because anxieties sprout up like mushrooms when you wander there. 2) Remember the promise of My continual Presence; include Me in any imagery that comes to mind. This mental discipline does not come easily, because you are accustomed to being god of your fantasies. However, the reality of My Presence with you, now & forevermore, outshines any fantasy you could ever imagine.”
-- Jesus Calling

i am a worrier. i wish that i wasn’t, but it’s part of me. this devotional speaks directly to me. because it is true, worry/stress/anxiety = not fully trusting God. trusting that He has got this, He’s got YOU.

i want to FULLY trust God, in every way & in every area of my life. delivering & having our little baby boy, (which let me just go ahead and say, i am excited about WAY more things than i am worried about or scared of) is a perfect test for me, designed perfectly by God. women HAVE to give birth to their littles. there is no way around it, no going back. trusting that God will give me the strength to do what my body was designed by Him to do is a must. so every day i am choosing to give that worry over to Him little by little. He’s got this.

i can’t wait to meet our boy. our SON! i’m 24 weeks today, HOW CAN I BE 24 WEEKS ALREADY?!?! for the non-pregnant peeps out there that is about 5 & 1/2 months! baby’s home is the size of a soccer ball & he is as long as an eggplant, say whaaaa?! he weighs over a pound and a half & makes me smile EVERYDAY, throughout the day with all his little kicks & flips. i really am cherishing this time of having him all to myself. soon enough he will be here & everyone will be loving him & holding him & i am going to LOVE every second of that! but for now, it’s just me & him. no one else can experience this time with him, and i think that’s pretty cool.

so here’s to a worry free friday! full of my little ponies & rainbows, perfect baby boys, crisp fall air & looking forward to a night spent with ones you love! enjoy it :)


dear willow, said...

yes.. loved that from Jesus calling. as a momma of 3 babies (2 are angel babies) I can assure u the thought of labor is 18262771617827 times worse than it actually is. it's so stinking awesome. seriosuly. and I was whoa dang scared too. ur gonna do amazing!!

Kym said...

So, we don't know each other (besides what i've read on your blog, obv. lol) but can i just say GOOD FOR YOU. I hated that people tried to tell me that I needed 'to know what to expect' about delivery. there is no way to prepare yourself for that and it can go a million different ways. and i know some people have horror stories, but some people also had it pretty easy. Don't get too nervous, you got this. God built you for it.

Britsyb said...

Hi there! I sometimes read your blog and I don't know how I came across it(kinda weird, I am a stranger) but I just had my first baby in August. I did and felt exactly what you describe up there and all I will say is that it was the absolute BEST day of my life. I loved it. Although it is terribly scary at times, I am certain you'll feel the same!!

Life on Sugar Hill said...

thank you all SO SO SO much for your encouragement! gah! i could seriously get so anxious thinking about it, but i am getting more relaxed every day & praying!