some grams + some thoughts.

just a few grams to give this blog some life.

lately i haven't been able to blog much. i like this space to be authentic & i feel like i've done a pretty good job of that over time. i am honestly a pretty happy go lucky, look at the bright side kind of person & i think that shows through to this space. i like to keep this place light. i don't share every single disappointment, sadness or problem that i have here. of course there is the occasional rant & also i write from my heart & get sappy sometimes too, but for the most part, i like to keep those parts of our life private. since losing my dad, i have found myself taking less pictures and blogging even less than that. i don't like it at all. those are such huge parts of me, but for right now they are just on the back burner. i want this place to stay real and stay positive, and i'm not saying i'm a crying, depressed mess all day every day, but just at this particular season in my life, writing about the little bits & pieces of my day & what we did over the weekend just doesn't feel authentic, because my heart is still in so many pieces.

i desperately want to get back here, get back to normal life, whatever that means. but while i try and navigate through days with our busy, busy, busy little guy & all of my different feelings, this space will probably remain quiet for a little while longer. it's SO important to me to continue documenting abel's life & ours. this tiny corner of the internet has given me such a huge huge outlet for that & has seriously been my happy place. i love it here & want to remember all of the wonderful things throughout our life. the sad parts will forever be in my heart though, a place that i will never forget them, and that's where i'd like to keep them. not here. so thank you for continuing to check in & see if we still exist :) & please stick around while i gather up the bits & pieces of myself that still feel like they are everywhere. i hope to be back in this place with my whole heart very very soon. xoxo

when it snowed + snowed

+ snowed some more...

this time last year, i had the snuggliest newborn who slept 12 hours a day minimum + i was still figuring out how to be a mom to this tiny being who had graced our home. snow days galore + snuggling up on the couch 24/7 was totally my bag of chips. this year is different for me though. for the first time in probably my entire life, i am not praying every day for snow. womp womp. this year, i've become one of those 'itching for spring + warm weather' people... GASP. honestly though, it's abel. he's so busy now + i want to get out to the park + the zoo + take walks + every other outdoor, walk your socks off activity with him.

as soon as he started walking at christmas, he might as well have been running + the rest is history. i love it so much + am so excited for this constantly keeping me on my toes phase of life with him. so to be honest with you, we are over the snow for now + are just waiting on some warmer sun days so we can party our pants off in the great outdoors for more than a couple of minutes...

which brings me to these couple of minutes that we spent outside on our most recent snow day. abel LOVED the big flakes falling on his face, he was so tickled. we put him in the snow + he didn't move, just smiled + looked at us like, 'okay, now what. are you gonna pick me back up? this stuff is half my height.' ... or at least that's what i imagined his thoughts to be. it was the best 5 minutes of our snow day + totally worth the 15 that we took getting bundled up beforehand. 

so anyway, bring on the warmer days + sunshine whenever you feel like it mother nature... but until then, we will try to enjoy + savor the snow globe ones we have left.

& all of a sudden we had a O N E year old

so, before abel turned two felt like a great time to post about my favorite guy + his birthday party. so here it is! we had such a great time with our family + a few close friends, and felt very blessed by those who came to celebrate him on his special day. we went with bright colored + fun for the "theme"... just like him. i hung 12 photos from each month he's been with us because i love pictures + only take a couple zillion of him each day, so it just felt right to do so. we let him "smash" his cake, which he interpreted as politely + barely touch this thing.... i loved that probably the most. as fun as it would have been to see him go to town on that thing, it was SO him the way he approached it. so carefully + thought out. he doesn't love touching weird textures + this was no exception, thankfully dad was there to save the day + give him his cake wedding style... + THAT he thoroughly enjoyed.

abel is loved by so many + that just fills my heart with a joy un-explainable. 

he's the very best thing i know. 

a b e l

this week i am super nostalgic + overly emotional because on Saturday, our sweet Abel turns ONE... are you kidding me? it's been a whole year? there's just no way.

it's the craziest thing how i remember it like it was yesterday, but it also seems so far away because i don't even remember life before him. so i'm all reminiscent over here + looking back at how the year with him played out + LOVING it. he's such a sweet soul, such a giver. still so quiet + smiley, still fuzzy haired like the first day we met him (maybe by 2 buddy). i just can't get over it. 

on top of all the emotions, i am giving chris and i a big fat pat on the back, because we did it! i wouldn't say i ever had doubts that we wouldn't, but i mean... honestly, i don't care how many books you've read, or kids you've baby sat... when you have a baby, especially your first, you really have no idea what it will be like + it's sort of an all in kinda thing. so hooray for us! we kept our tiny human alive + well. he's fed + rested. + on most days bathed ;) he is for the most part incredibly well behaved + all around a little piece of heaven. most importantly though, he is loved... + loved + loved... + loved well. 

i have learned so much about love this year. a new kind of love that i had never experienced before. being a parent is the most wonderful privilege + i am so thankful thankful thankful for the opportunity.

abel, my love for you is more than you'll ever know. maybe you'll understand it better when you have kids one day, but even then i don't know, because mamas + daddys have different experiences! you are the very best thing we have ever done in this life + i hope that you grow up into the most amazing man one day, all the while knowing how loved + appreciated you are. thank you for being the smile in our every day + teaching us a new kind of love, the best kind of love! i can't wait to celebrate you this weekend + watch you cake your face like never before... you're going to love it! 

a million kisses, your mama 

(top photo from the morning after he was born, bottom photo from yesterdays nap)

M + J

i was recently lucky enough to shoot some engagement photos for a sweet sweet friend + her main squeeze. firstly, they are gorgeous human beings + i hardly had to do any editing... + that is something to be excited about, and secondly... taking engagement shots for someone is such an honor to me. what a special time + memory to capture for them. something they will cherish forever. i love it. anyway, i will let the photos do the talking, i love how they turned out + choosing my favorites for this post was a challenge. and again i'll say it, thank you old town... you're simply the best.