did I already mention I can't believe it's been an entire month already?! I have. I'll not get hung up on it then... but an entire month ALREADY!
I've revisited so many of the things I learned in my first months as a mother of one and a mother of two, and have already learned new juggling skills a quick month into three. so far this round, I've learned that the newborn phase is over SO FAST, and even faster with other kiddos in the house, and that you should probably just sit and soak in alllll of the tiny-ness at any given chance because you'll blink and they are a month old and holding their head up + feeling substantial + smiling + not fitting in the outfit they came home in, and your sister has a baby three weeks after you + your baby might as well be going off to college with all the change that's been made obvious by their three week age difference.
I forgot how sweet nursing is! all of their little sounds, and their little hands up by their faces like it's just the best thing ever. I forgot how good tiny babies smell!! isla just always smells good. her sweet + fuzzy head smells so good + her skin is like silk... my big kiddos don't smell as good haha! fresh out of a bath? heavenly. burts bees. but throughout the day they smell like maple syrup + sweat + chalk + dirt + are usually sticky somewhere. they smell like fun + there's so much to love about that too, but for this post + the last 4 weeks... fresh baby smell wins.
I've learned that I'm doing a good job. I feel a little bit crazy too, somedays a lot a bit, but I'm
doing a good job. most days my older kids are loving + kind + gentle. they adore isla (& all babies). I think they got their nurturing spirits from their dad, who I adore + love even more for that. I say I'm doing a good job though because I am the large percentage of their raising, and seeing who they are becoming + how they behave makes me so proud and also helps me let myself off the hook a little bit more than I tend to do.
I've learned that I need to let go of perfect + embrace rest. The first two weeks home I tried to do too much and was an emotional wreck because of it (& because of hormones... alllll the hormones). going from two to three was a serious breeze. I had read so many comments from people about three being soooo hard or three being sooo easy + had wondered which it'd be for me... turns out- so easy (most days) and i imagine that will continue until she is mobile! isla is a prize + the transition was seamless... all of the uneasy was me trying to do it all, all the time (like I told myself not to do HERE). i think i put pressure on myself to carry on as normal because I had done this twice before + so I shouldn't miss a beat... WRONG. so note to self, should there hopefully be another round of this: don't go to birthday parties two days after giving birth, don't have people stay with you the day after you come home from the hospital-UNLESS you're going to let go of the perfectly tidy house + fear of judgement for tired or misbehaved older children who are also adjusting. don't go hiking in the middle of a 90 degree day, with a newborn, a week and a half after delivery. don't be crazy to chris, he's already endured 3 months of your crazy as you neared the end of your pregnancy. remember you are a hormone sandwich, and YES! you have done this before, but you still just did an amazing + hard + tiring thing giving birth to a child + things are not normal... give yourself time to heal + just sit back and adjust + wear your comfy clothes... maaaan was I dressed waaaay too soon this time around... so three kids, pretty breezy so far. trying to be super woman and do everything... not breezy, don't do it.
the kids are obsessed with isla. the response I get when I tell them "I love you" is often times "I love isla" hahaha it's sweet + hysterical + I feel totally dissed but in the cutest way every time it happens. i swear the day she came home, Abel held her on the couch for two hours straight, and if he was made to get up to use the bathroom or eat, he'd tell us that his arms weren't tired yet and that he'd come right back and hold her again... soooo sweet I could cry.
chris has been so helpful + i know what I have in him. he is seriously the best. he doesn't always say the right things (has anyone else mastered this? i haven't), but when he does i could happily cry + cry... like during the first week + isla got choked up while nursing one night, and I said "she's okay" more trying to reassure myself to keep calm, and he responded with "i know she is, she has you ." -tears.
mostly this last month has shown me again, that God just grows our hearts for each child, and that there is nothing better than love. I'm so thankful for that and so thankful for the gift of motherhood. i've said it before & i'll say it again... i love these littles with a different kind of love. an unending, no conditions, can't believe i grew you in my belly kind of love that just gets better every day... & i love that.