on july 6th i slept without abel by my side for the first time since i've had him. a year and a half of listening to his sweet breath while closing my own eyes to drift off to sleep, a year and a half of his sweet, warm, snuggly self cuddled up next to me (and for the last few months or so pushing me closer to the edge of the bed.) a year and a half of some of the sweetest memories, hardest nights, cuddly mornings, & irreplaceable photo opps.
my first night without my baby at my side, and all of a sudden he seems a million years older & time seems to be flying by quicker than ever.
when i woke in the morning to find him still in his own bed, i had the most mixed emotions. i was SO PROUD. proud as could be, mostly shocked, a little accomplished, and then tears… i allowed myself a number of minutes to cry & soak it in (probably more than was appropriate, but pregnant, so you know…). a milestone. one that we have talked about getting to for months… but when the time came, i felt as if i had never prepared my heart.
there are seasons in life, and for us, this one had come to a close. it's hard to let go of something so sweet, but it's so important to let him grow & it fills my heart with so much joy to see him develop & watch his little life unfold. morning number two, my toddler came running into my room to wake me up… at 8:30… amennnn child. that was a moment i had dreamt of too & it only proved to my mama heart that as each season comes to a close, a brand new one is opening & is full of even more splendor (and what looks like later mornings too, thank you very much.)
there will be more babies, more snuggling, scared in the middle of the night, crawl into our bed & wake us in the morning moments. i mean… as i write this, we are only on night 3, so i may be getting ahead of myself even. this moment deserved documentation though. hooray abel! what a big boy… and for me too, a mama stride.