5.06.2014

may.

i love may. it might be my favorite month of the year (excluding october + december of course). i love the smell of it, the sound of it, and for obvious reasons, the taste of it... birthdays + cake go hand in hand you know. it's just a happy little month when the colorado weather has finally made up it's mind to be spring + you're usually okay to put away all of your winter gear (knocking on wood). may brings farmer's markets + floral prints, fresh flowers + pretty gift wrap. we are already having days of 80 degrees, we switched our heavy comforter to our light weight, spring one most nights when i put abel to bed, i can still smell the sunscreen lingering on his sweet skin.

may is different for me this year though. i still love it, for all of those reasons + more... but this year i miss my dad's "happy birthday sweetie" + him asking me what i'd like him to cook for my birthday dinner. i miss the birthday sandwich that my mimi, my dad + my consecutive birthday's make up... made up. today marks one of my usual favorite may days, but it is so painfully different this year. my dad was the best. i'm sure that most people think that their own dad is, and for them that is true, just like it was + is true for me. he was loving + caring + gentle, and he could have you belly laughing so hard you thought you might pass out from lack of oxygen. he had SO many phrases that i still laugh out loud when they come into my mind randomly during the day. he gave the best hugs + took care of you when you were sick. he was a simple man, he maybe owned a total of 10 shirts + never asked for much. he was humble + kind, and was full of SO much knowledge that your brain grew just by having one  conversation with him. he was handsome + had the most beautiful blue eyes + as he drew nearer to Heaven they literally sparkled. i miss him so much + i'm sad we aren't watching him blow out candles today. i want to hug him + hear him tell me a story. i want to go to sleep tonight + look forward to his birthday call to me first thing in the morning... and all the years after for that matter.

may is still good. there is new life all around us. trees + flowers blooming, babies being born, marriages beginning + God still making things new + beautiful. i look for life anywhere i can find it, the rhythm of my own heartbeat, the smell of the lake early in the morning, and the sound of abel's breathing while he sleeps. happy may to you, and happy birthday daddy.

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