f i n d i n g b a l a n c e

today was one of my harder days as a mother. 
it honestly shouldn't have felt like it was... no one acted poorly or even melted down, everyone was generally content, but the lack of balanced days(months) leading up to it had me constantly thinking "is it bedtime yet?" and "how many more days until chris get's home?"
i felt the heaviness of not being able to go and do as i pleased or even just sit on my bed and blog or read a book or binge on a favorite show on netflix. 

i know this sounds selfish. if you truly know me, my parenting style or my heart then you know that i'm not.

it's mothering, it's 24/7 every day of my life from now until forever. i asked for it and i knew going into it that there would be days that felt like this. what i'm finding though, is that it really has nothing to do with my sweet kiddos, it all boils down to me and a lack of balance. yes i'm a mother... i'm also a wife, and a friend, a sister, and surprise!... a person all on my own too. i struggle putting myself before others, even when someone offers to watch the kids, or says "it's not selfish, it's important to take time for you"... i usually don't. i want to have it all together, all the time... i want to be the best mom + the best wife, and friend, and sister, and so on. and in return, as a person i sometimes feel drained. 

but i'm officially saying not anymore. 

in order to be the best i can be at all of those things, and the best version of the woman that God created me to be, i need to carve out a little time for myself as well, let go of the "i can handle the world's problems + don't need any assistance" mentality and occasionally breathe in 5 minutes of un-shared starbucks, attention or otherwise. 

so, i'm on the hunt for balance. i feel sure that i'll find it... it's probably been looking for me too :)

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