the chores went undone...

multi-tasking to the wind, laundry... get comfy, it'll be a while.

a couple days last week, the weather was praise worthy! (insert praising hands emoji here). for reals though... 80 degrees in march is welcomed with arms from here to there, and the lack of chores, multi-tasking, social media-ing, etc. was a much needed breather for me. i focused solely on my husband and my kids and the conversations with my sisters + my mom. i took a billion pictures and never posted them, gained a few more freckles on my nose, and abel got his first skinned elbow of the season. it got me seriously excited for spring (not the elbow, but it comes with the territory for him)! i'm excited for the swapping of clothes in our closets, trading boots for sandals, beanies for headwraps, warm drinks for iced, and sitting on the patio- drink in hand! 

it's only mid-march, and i live in colorado, so i know that i'm probably jumping the gun here... we are bound to have ATLEAST one or two more snows, but it reset my mind to a place it needed to be reset to. a place less busy + crowded... and for that i am extra thankful. here's to being present, to focusing on the important, to loving well + living well, and letting joy fill you to the brim + over- spreading goodness wherever you go. 

now for a couple pictures of my boyfriends...

f i n d i n g b a l a n c e

today was one of my harder days as a mother. 

it honestly shouldn't have felt like it was... no one acted poorly or even melted down, everyone was generally content, but the lack of balanced days(months) leading up to it had me constantly thinking "is it bedtime yet?" and "how many more days until chris get's home?"

i felt the heaviness of not being able to go and do as i pleased or even just sit on my bed and blog or read a book or binge on a favorite show on netflix. 

i know this sounds selfish. if you truly know me, my parenting style or my heart then you know that i'm not.

it's mothering, it's 24/7 every day of my life from now until forever. i asked for it and i knew going into it that there would be days that felt like this. what i'm finding though, is that it really has nothing to do with my sweet kiddos, it all boils down to me and a lack of balance. yes i'm a mother... i'm also a wife, and a friend, a sister, and surprise!... a person all on my own too. i struggle putting myself before others, even when someone offers to watch the kids, or says "it's not selfish, it's important to take time for you"... i usually don't. i want to have it all together, all the time... i want to be the best mom + the best wife, and friend, and sister, and so on. and in return, as a person i sometimes feel drained. 

but i'm officially saying not anymore. 

in order to be the best i can be at all of those things, and the best version of the woman that God created me to be, i need to carve out a little time for myself as well, let go of the "i can handle the world's problems + don't need any assistance" mentality and occasionally breathe in 5 minutes of un-shared starbucks, attention or otherwise. 

so, i'm on the hunt for balance. i feel sure that i'll find it... it's probably been looking for me too :)

for the quiet corners of our hearts.

i still get angry + i still feel sad... there, i said it.

it's difficult to talk about loss... it's awkward, and it makes people feel uncomfortable. it's hard to REALLY talk about it and fully open up and jump in the deep end because you don't know where that jump will lead, will you be able to keep your head above water as you spill your guts about how you're really doing and how you're really feeling? will they be able to handle hearing it? 

so, often times we don't. 

...but today, for me and maybe for you, and for the quiet corners of our hearts that ache... i'm talking about it. 

i miss my dad. he died 16 months ago, and i still miss him, + every day that passes feels like another day further from him... further from the tangible, further from the freshest memories, further from the hope that we'd win. i feel this pressure, like i need to be okay by now and miss him less, i mean, it's almost been a year and a half and i'm STILL missing him and wishing things were different? 

yes, i am. 

i'm not naive, i know what's real + i've accepted it. that doesn't mean it stops hurting, and it doesn't mean it hurts less even... maybe just less often. i don't let it consume my days or even my thoughts, when feelings arise i work through them the best i can + move forward. i look at my life and blessings and am thankful, i focus on the good and the joy instead of the unknown reasons behind the heartaches. 

i never want to be a bummer. i seriously considered not writing this. i've actually considered writing, and not writing a post like this one for months, but today i am somewhere in between wanting to inspire others, and also wanting to be 100% raw and honest even if it doesn't sound perfectly poised, so it just felt right. 

my dad won't know my children, and my children will only know of him what i tell them... that's a scar on my heart forever... so some days i'm sad + sometimes i'm angry, and it's okay. i know i'm not the only one, and you aren't either. everyone is facing something, and it doesn't feel natural to let yourself be vulnerable, whether in private or to another person, but God created ALL of our emotions, not just the ones that feel good. allow yourself + your feelings acknowledgement. ask others how they're doing and really mean it, let the people who truly care about you in... you're likely to find that someone else has a quiet corner in their heart that needs life breathed into it every once in a while too. 

you're doing great wherever you're at... totally healed, grieving a new loss, angry, confused, or maybe a mix of it all. keep doing your best, keep moving forward, + pray that the joy in your heart will overtake that little corner someday. i'm going to...

that time my daughter snuck in half a year on me...

...such a little sweetie! our sunshine is 6 months old, hoorah! i can't believe we are here, i could cry. when they say there is nothing like your first baby, "they" aren't lying. abel's life has flown by so far too, but lucy's is like whoosh, wait what? i wish i could press pause somedays. she's such a sweet spirit, she LOVES her brother, always smiling, baby got back, happy + easy, brings joy wherever she goes! i couldn't have dreamed up a more precious being. thanks for making the past six months the very sweetest possible, i love you little bit!

||  fun facts  ||
she's a sitter upper
loves to try new foods
wants to crawl badly, probably won't be too long (Heaven help me)
is still not shy about telling you any and everything, such a chatty child :)
is currently working through stranger danger + wants to warm up a bit before she goes to anyone other than me or chris
she loves splashing in her bath
seems to have teeth comin' in, but i feel like i've been sayin that for atleast two months so who knows!
she loves waking up at the crack of dawn (yawn)
loves to dance
loves when abel dances (or looks in her direction or does anything at all)

g r o c e r y s h o p p i n g

this post should really be called, "Abel Takes King Soopers"

If you read my blog a million years ago, then you might remember that we LOVE grocery shopping. It really is one of our favorite activities to do as a couple, and now as a family. The older Abel gets, the more chaotic it is for sure, there is riding in the car on front of the cart (part time), the cart (rarely), holding hands (for two seconds) and simply running free + us chasing him down (the other 50% of the time). We know that one day, probably not far in the future, when we hopefully have a boat load of kids, that grocery shopping as an entire family might not be our best idea, but we are all in for now + trying to stretch it out as long as we can. Call me crazy, but it's quality time for us. 

i love my little family, and am so thankful for chris' calm + collected nature! it balances out my easily overwhelmed + nervous sweat-er tendencies + allows us to still go on family grocery outings for the time being! he managed to dodge every picture on this trip, but he truly is my rock.

i'd also like to make mention of the penny horse riding... up until the past two visits, this resulted in shrieking and terror from abel, and after three times of feeling like i scarred him for life trying it out, i called it good. he suddenly sees it in a new light + wants to ride it every time, multiple times. 

cheers for all those unwanted pennies being put to good use! 

^^^look at who has started riding shotgun! she's pretty over the moon about it, and i'm happy to leave that 20 ton carseat in the car where it belongs!