the past few nights i have continued to rock abel long after he's fallen asleep. 
as i sit & gently rock, i notice how different his little body feels in my arms. so perfectly soft & chunky, so much heavier now than the day i first rocked him in that chair. james taylor as our background music of choice. carolina in my mind, to be more specific. it's our song... has been since the day he was born. he loves it & i love that. a setting i pray to never be forgotten. a setting that soothes my soul & brings me to a place of tears & prayer. 
i pray & i cry, and then pray & cry some more.
i pray over abel. i pray that his life be full, that his heart be pure & good. that he not inherit any of mine or chris's not so good qualities. i pray that he knows Jesus, fully & in a way i still dream of getting to. i pray that he accept people right where they are, that he's forgiving & compassionate, kind & loving. i pray that God protect him from harm & that his little soul not be damaged by the world or the people in it. i pray that he loves. so many things i pray for that sweet little one...
i sit crying, some tears of joy, some of sadness... i pray about my dad. i plead with God every night to please not take him. i haven't had enough time with him & no amount of time will ever feel like enough. i think about my sisters & my friends. i pray for my husband & for our marriage. for my family. i ask God to cleanse my soul. to rid me of any hate, anger or pride, and to fill me with forgiveness & love. i pray with my whole heart... and it's been in those warm baby on my chest, james taylor in the background, tear soaked cheeks, mentally on my knees in prayer moments that i have felt closest to God this week.
& for that i am thankful.
happy gram day.

top to bottom:
the few things i'll miss from summer... smoothies, aztec prints & all things peach
my love & best friend
national dog day, pre baby baby number two
too early? no way.
super baby!
grandma came for a visit, hooray!
my heart
shopping local never tasted so good.
national dog day, pre baby baby number one
free old fashioned donut? don't mind if i do.


brittany.taylor said...

i love this post. and the way you love that little guys makes me so excited to hopefully get to do the same. he's lucky to have you as his momma.

Stephanie McDonnell said...

New to your blog. This is a wonderful post, full of so much sincerity. God is just great, isn't he?!


Emily said...

Nothing like the heartfelt prayers of a momma. Lovely heart, lovely boy, lovely blog.:)